Randall Polito learned a concept in recovery that applies far beyond it: the living amends.
Some harm can't be undone. You can't go back and take back the words that hurt. You can't restore the trust you broke, or return the time you took, or erase the pain that someone carried because of what you did. Some people will never accept your apology, and some will never be in a position to. An apology, however sincere, doesn't fix everything.
That's the hard truth Randy Polito accepted early. You may never be able to make right what you broke.
But there is something you can do. You can refuse to make the same mistake again.
That's the living amends. It's not a sentence you say. It's a pattern you build. It's proof, shown over time through your choices, that you have changed.
Here's what Randy Polito has learned: saying "I'm sorry" and acting sorry are different things. The first is a moment. The second is a commitment that gets tested over and over. Anyone can say the words once. Few people are willing to show, through repeated behavior, that the words meant something.
And Randall Polito thinks many people make a fundamental error here. They treat a mistake as an isolated event. One bad night, one broken promise, one moment of poor judgment. They believe that because it was a single event, it's behind them now.
But it's not isolated. Randy Polito has seen it again and again. The same crossroads keeps appearing, in different forms, with different people, asking the same question: will you take the easy path or the right one?
Your growth gets tested over and over. Not once. Ad infinitum.
So the real measure of whether you've learned anything isn't your apology. It's what you do the next time you're standing at that crossroads. Will you make the better choice? Will you do it when no one is watching, when it costs you something, when the shortcut is right there?
Randall Polito believes that if you want to honor the people who stood beside you or behind you, you have to choose the different path. Every single time.
That takes discipline. It takes courage. It takes respect, for the people you've hurt and for the person you're trying to become.
Randy Polito's rule: don't measure your amends by how well you apologized. Measure them by whether you became someone who doesn't need to.
Living amends is a daily practice. It doesn't end. And every time you choose better, you pay back a little of what you owe.
— Randy Polito