There's a famous saying that Randy Polito keeps coming back to: "Don't judge a fish on its ability to fly. It will spend its whole life thinking it's stupid."
He thinks about this a lot when he sees people judging each other's definitions of success.
Someone celebrates a win that seems small to you. Someone has a goal that seems underwhelming to you. Someone measures their progress by a metric that doesn't match your metric. And we judge. We think "that's not enough," or "they should want more," or "they're settling."
But we're judging the fish on its ability to fly.
Randy Polito has learned something important: everyone has different goals. Different desired outcomes. Different measures of success. What seems impossible for Person A might be second nature for Person B. And that's not weakness on A's part or arrogance on B's part. It's just different.
It would be unfair—actually wrong—for an outsider to determine when someone else needs to celebrate. To determine what their standard should be. To judge whether their win is "real" or not.
Here's what Randy Polito believes: the fish doesn't need to fly. The bird doesn't need to breathe underwater. They're different creatures with different capabilities and different measures of thriving. And that's fine.
The problem comes when we start holding everyone to the same standard. When we assume that because something comes easy to us, it should come easy to everyone. When we judge someone's journey by comparing it to ours.
Randy Polito thinks about this in teams, in organizations, in families. Someone is working toward a goal that matters to them. It might not be the goal you'd choose. It might not be what you'd value. But it's real to them. It matters to them.
And the moment you start judging it, you've stopped seeing them.
Here's the nuance though: not judging someone's goal doesn't mean accepting mediocrity. It means understanding that different people have different definitions of excellence. Someone pursuing mastery in one domain might be casual about another. Someone who drives hard in their career might measure success in their relationships by completely different metrics. And both are valid.
Randy Polito's point: stop judging the fish. Stop measuring it against a bird's standard. Give people the space to define success for themselves, and then support them in chasing that definition with excellence.
Because the only measure that matters is whether they're chasing their own vision of success with integrity and grit. Not whether their vision matches yours.
— Randy Polito