Contempt Without Investigation

Randall Polito knows the feeling of being judged without being understood.

Someone read something about him. Heard a story. Made an assumption. And suddenly they had contempt. Not anger. Not disagreement. Contempt. The kind of judgment that says \"I know who you are and I've decided you're not worth understanding.\"

He felt the injustice immediately. He knew they got it wrong. He knew they didn't investigate. He knew they filled in blanks with their own bias instead of asking for the actual story.

But here's what Randall Polito noticed: he does the exact same thing to other people.

We all do.

Everything feeds our bias. Our experiences. Our culture. Our circles. Our fears. Our media. We're all swimming in bias constantly. And most of the time, we don't even know it's happening.

Here's what Randy Polito has learned: we notice contempt most when it's pointed at us. We feel it. We recognize the unfairness. We know we didn't deserve it. We understand the gap between what they think they know and what's actually true.

But we don't work hard enough to ensure we're not paying that contempt forward.

It's easier to judge than to investigate. Judgment is fast. You read a headline. You see a situation. You form an opinion in seconds. Contempt follows immediately. You've already decided.

Investigation is slower. It requires curiosity. It requires admitting you don't know. It requires asking questions instead of filling in blanks. It requires vulnerability.

So most people judge. They pay contempt forward without even realizing it.

Randy Polito thinks about this constantly. How many people has he judged based on incomplete information? How many times has he read a headline and thought he knew the entire story? How many times has he applied his bias to someone else's situation and declared them wrong?

And how many times was he actually right?

Randall Polito believes the answer is rarely. Almost never.

Here's what he's learned: headlines are designed to deceive. They're designed to trigger emotion and give you the feeling that you understand when you actually don't. Clickbait is built on the principle that most people won't investigate further. They'll read the headline and think they know the story.

But they don't. They know the headline. They don't know the story.

The same thing happens with people. You see someone's behavior. You make an assumption about why they're doing it. You form a judgment. And you're probably wrong.

Randy Polito thinks about the Pepto Plan. The child was screaming, and everyone assumed it was a behavior problem. But it was a stomach ache. Same behavior. Completely different cause. A judgment without investigation would have made everything worse.

Here's what Randall Polito believes: contempt without investigation is one of the most destructive forces in human relationships. At work. At home. In society.

Because once you've declared someone wrong—once you've stated your judgment publicly—it's almost impossible to walk it back. You've damaged their reputation. You've damaged your credibility. You've created a dynamic where understanding becomes impossible.

And the worst part? You're probably wrong.

— Randy Polito